Hindsight
by gildedbutterfliesx
Summary: 'And I can't let that feeling go I should have run, but I just froze I shouldn't have let her get in well hindsight is a wonderful thing' One Shot


I took in a shaky breath and took in my surroundings. Snowflakes were falling down, covering every surface in a beautiful white shade, covering all traces of horror that had occurred just moments ago.

The sounds of an ambulance coming closer were interrupting the silence, making my heart beat even faster.

Memories, that I desperately tried to surpass, were flooding my thoughts.

_'I don't want you to go, Bella' argued. _

_'Why are you doing this to me?' she asked with a shaking voice. Her worrying her lip, didn't escaped my notice. _

A yell interrupted my memories, causing me to flinch. I blinked, feeling something wet trailing down my cheek. A tear? Could it be a tear? Or was it just a snowflake, melting on my flushed cheeks.

Men ran to the car, that was lying on the floor, slowly being covered by the still falling snow. I heard them crying for help, but everything was a blur. I couldn't do anything but stare at the scene that was unfolding in front of me. I gripped my hair, trying to fight my emotions. Not wanting to break down, when she might be alive. The hope in me hadn't died yet.

'She's breathing. Her heart's still beating. She's still my Bella' I kept chanting, but why did it still feel like a lie?

A shock of chestnut, brown hair caught my attention. I turned my head, bracing myself for what was to come.

_'Bella, please. Can we talk about this later?' _

_'No, Edward. We can't. I don't get why you are acting this way, it's just a fucking trip for crying out loud.' She snapped. _

_I wanted to hug her right then, put her close to me. But I was stubborn. Too stubborn. As realization that my pride was too big hit her, she looked at me with those chocolate coloured eyes of hers, and I saw a flash of pain. _

I buried my head in my head, trying to stop the memories. Even pissed she had looked amazingly beautiful. Her full lips were pursed, like whenever she was trying to get something. Her eyes were wide open, and her eyes glistening with unshed tears. I lost myself in the memories of her heart shaped face, with those big brown eyes, that had held so many emotions in that moment.

_'I'm tired of this.' Standing up, she left the table. She disappeared into the crowd, leaving me alone. _

_I wanted to run after her, but the alcohol made it hard to stand up without falling. _

_'Fuck.' _

_I looked out of the window, regretting every single word that had come out of my mouth._

_I didn't want to do this to her, she had made my life complete. The happiness I shared with her was a gift. _

_A gift I didn't want nor could live without. I smiled remembering all the times she had smiled at me, her beautiful red lips mesmerizing me every time. _

Everything around me became unfocused, I didn't hear anything but my shallow breathing. My chest heaved, trying to fight the pain. In the end the pain won, my legs gave in. I fell down, pressing my back into the window I had gazed just few moments ago.

_I looked out of the window, remembering the tear I saw on her cheek as she left. I should have stopped her, whipped that tear away, and took her in my arms. Telling her that everything was okay, and it was just a stupid argument. _

_Chestnut brown hair caught my attention. _

_'Bella' I breathed, she was walking out, towards a guy leaning against an old, shabby car. His long black pair was pulled into a knot, and his skin was a light brown. A smile erupted his face, as he wrapped her arms around him. _

_I froze. What was she doing, hugging a strange guy? Right after having an argument with me? _

_I gripped my beer bottle, trying desperately to control my anger. _

_I looked again, seeing both of them settle into the car, he had been leaning on just moments ago. It looked like he was quite drunk himself, wobbling all the way to his car. _

_I froze. _

_What if he was drunk? _

_What if he caused an accident?_

_What if he killed her?_

_What if I lost her? _

_But I couldn't do anything, my body wasn't connected to my body anymore. I was trapped in my own body. _

I shook my head then, not wanting to relive it anymore. I was such a fool, she was my sun, my oxygen. Everything I needed, I found in that beautiful soul of Bella's. I was wrapped around her little finger, and didn't mind it all. How could I? She was the most beautiful creature, I ever had the honour of knowing. I couldn't bear think of the way a truck had come up, trying to fight the slippery street.

_Everything went slow for a moment, and I only froze even more. _

_Headlights from the other side of the street were shining brightly, as the guy's shabby black car drove out. _

_I saw how the two cars got closer with every breath I took until a blaring sound made me jump. There on the street was the truck, the only damage I could detect was a dent. A dent where the other car had bumped into. My eyes moved to the black car, lying on its side. I gasped, and ran out of the bar. I didn't feel anything, as I made my way out. I tried to run, but a small explosion on the side of the car stopped me. An inferno blazed. The scene that unfold before me took my breath away. _

_Bella. Bella. Bella. _

_Sweet Bella, that had come into my life. Bella that made everything better by simply breathing. I lost myself, everything went black. _

Everything went to a stop when I saw a man in uniform carry out my reason for existing, covered in blood and not breathing.

The panic I felt before, nor the panic I had felt before could be compared to the pain I felt that moment. My throat went dry, and it felt like my heart was shattering into pieces, like it wanted to rip its way out of me. Not even my heart saw a reason for still living, why should I? She lay in his arms, her hair flowing with the wind. Her chest wasn't moving, she was still. Her cheeks weren't their usual rosy colour, they were pale.

I ran towards him, not caring about anything, only seeing the beauty in his arms. Even dead, she was pretty.

'Stay away, young man.' He muttered angrily.

'No. Please. Please. Don't make me stay away from her. Let me hold her, please. Please' My voice cracked, the tears flowing freely down my cheeks. For once I didn't care.

'I-I- Let me hold her, please. Just for a moment.' I took a deep breath. 'I love her, I've loved her for a long time, and I just lost her. And I know that I will forever love her, so please just let me hold her in my arms, even if her soul has already left this cruel place. Just..please.' I took a deep breath.

I then looked up into the man's face, I could see that he was trying very hard to resist. But my pleading made him crumble, and he reluctantly laid her into my arms.

'This is against everything I've been trained to do, but If this was my love, I would want to hold her one last time' And I saw the sincerity in his eyes.

As I cradled her lifeless body in my arms, all I could do was study her face.

Something was off. I could see that her soul was missing.

'Bella, Bella. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been such a prick. I'm sorry. I love you. How could you have just left me? I won't live without you, you know that.? Bella, I love you. I always will. Whether you are breathing or not' I pressed a kiss to her forehead, and a tear spilled on her face.

'Sorry' I heard a voice mutter, and the scent of alcohol was lingering in the air above me. I looked up and saw the guy Bella had hugged just a few moments ago.

'That's not gonna bring her back now, is it?' I spat at him. I didn't hate him, I couldn't. There was only space to hate myself.

I shouldn't have let her go, I shouldn't have frozen. I shouldn't have held her back. I shouldn't have left my stubbornness and selfishness win over. _I should have saved her. Oh hindsight is a wonderful thing. _I thought to myself.

The man in the uniform, got closer. His eyes told me that it was time. It was time to leave her. . I kissed Bella's forehead, her cheeks. Her closed eyelids. Her ears. Her lips. I kissed every inch of her beautiful skin, for the last time.

'Sweet dreams, Bella' I breathed. As I let her go. She'd be singing with the angels now, watching over me.

I handed her over to the man, I saw the pity in his eyes. I couldn't bear his pity. I turned around to leave, there was no reason for me staying. She wasn't there anymore, it was just a lifeless body.

The tears were freely mingling with the snowflakes that were still melting on my cheeks. I breathed in, realizing I'd never see Bella breathe again. I looked up to the sky, saw the Christmas lights still hanging.

The pain was consuming me even more with every shallow breath I took. I felt numb. I couldn't do anything. I felt like I was drowning, like I was under water. There was a pressure on me, I couldn't breathe.

Blackness quickly took over.

'Bella, I love you. Wait for me' I muttered as unconsciousness took over.


End file.
